Maybe it is time that I share a hard story with you about me.
I have been through some really tough times. The toughest times that I never thought I could have ever imagined before.
I had a good start of the year. I spent the best day of my life, so far, with people I loved and supported me during my decision of being baptized and becoming a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My grandpa Hailey (aka my moms dad) baptized me and could barely say the prayer between his tears, he was so happy for me. He had been through some tough times also but, had made it through and I looked up to him and knew I made a great choice in who to baptize me.
Over a month later of experiencing the best day of my life so far I experienced the worst day of my life. I came home to a cop car waiting in my drive way to tell me that my grandpa shot his son, my disabled uncle. My uncle was in a skiing accident when he was 19 He was preparing to leave on his mission at this time. In result of this accident he was left in a wheel chair with brain damage. I was young and grew up by his side during his time of healing. He was very spiritual and overly loving. He looked up to Joseph Smith and always wanted hugs and kisses. I enjoyed every minute spent with him. My grandpa also shot my grandma. One of the hardest people to loose because I was so close with her. We spent many hours on the phone during the weeks when I would call her to talk. I would spend my weekends at their house doing arts and crafts with her or enjoying the yard and flowers together. We would take a trip to go grocery shopping and spend to much time distracted by our conversations My grandpa also shot himself. Every time I was around each of them I could feel the love radiant through their souls to mine. I knew that I was loved by them and could feel the compassion. I never stopped smiling from this feeling. I treasured the time spent with them greatly.
Now they were gone all three of them, gone out of my life. I cried more tears than I ever thought possible. I immediately forgave them because, I loved them so much. My heart was shattered. I wanted them back with me. It was hard for me to talk to others the way that I had talked to them. I longed to call them on the phone. I longed to hear the words "I love you" the way they said them to me. I longed for some one to reach out to me the way they had. I waited for them to take the pain away....
I started to loose who I was and who I worked so hard to become. I lost the Christ that I had found within me. I was disappointed in myself and knew that they were too. I hadn't just lost them.I went a couple months like this but, when the new year started I made a commitment to be happy and to live for them. To change my broken heart on my own. I couldn't wait for them to come back because, they couldn't. I couldn't wait for some one to step up in their place because, no one could replace them nor would I want them too. I found help for my grief in books, groups, counselling, and tried to make it through the days. I needed out though.
The next year would be better then the year I had just experienced.
So it was. I found Christ stronger within me ever before. I worked hard at doing good in life. I smiled and meant it. I laughed and meant it. I was happy and meant it for the ones I will love forever. I loved life again and meant it. I had to learn how to live without them on my own. I know that I will be with them again. I will keep on this great path in life. that I learn to love again, so that I can be with them for eternity where I will never have to loose them again.Blessings started pilling up when I made the change to mend my heart, instead of when I engulfed in my broken heart and nothing seemed to go right.
I still have bad days. I still and always will miss them. However, I know bad days are not a big deal and pass. I also know that one day when I see them again I will no longer miss them.
My love for my forever family has grown and forever will grow for them and each and every one of my family members.
I love you Grandpa Hailey, James (Jim) Micheal Hall. I love you Grandma Hailey, Kathryn (Kathy) Jo Hall. I love you Unckie, Erik James Hall.
